Hello, is anybody out there?

Recently while reading a current book on the subject of fashions I got a few surprises. With my having little to nothing knowledge of what devout Catholics believe, I was quite surprised at the author's conservative stance on the subject of modesty. In fact if I had not known differently I would have thought the writing was that of a staunch Pentecostal or other similar conservative group. So far I have found no such writings from those sources, however. I've thought about that with the same question in mind that I often hear youth say in jest: Hello! is anybody out there? Where are their voices on this subject?

Another surprise came as I read several quotes that this author gave from Pope Pius XII—which most people not doubt would consider legalistic—but I considered just good advice. His comments were a reminder that the good of our soul is more important than our body. Now with our me'ism and comforts mentality that is hard to do at times. But that wasn't all. He added another punch—we also need to consider the spiritual welfare of our neighbor over our own comforts. Imagine! Of course that means in relating to our subject of modesty that if a certain kind of attire causes a person to sin, spiritually effecting our soul and others, it is our duty to give it up.

As I said, I was surprised at such a conservative stance. He even suggested that our choices can effect others in ways we often don't think about. In fact, we should even consider the anxieties and motional issues that are caused by it all. Wow! An illustration might be suppressed shame that we prepare for our sons and daughters by allowing them to become accustomed to being scantily dressed. We think they are so cute, yet without even meaning to do so we cause them to lose the sense of modesty—which opens up future problems that we can only imagine. And these are children that Heaven has entrusted to us to be brought up as Christians.

But as this author also illustrated, the sad truth is that tragically some mothers not only enable their young daughters to dress in 'hooker chick' but encourage it. It seems apparent that parents in general have become desensitized to today's fashions. They have been duped by the fashion industry. And the reason for it seems simply that they want their children to be popular. But whatever their reason, another commentator gets right to the point when he said my thoughts exactly. Why should we be surprised by today's tween and teen girls going around dressed like streetwalkers? It's their parents who let them. Let's face it most 10 to 16-year-olds don't have access to a lot of cash unless of course someone gives it to them.... And who is it who most likely drives them to the mall? It's their mother. It is obvious, little girls dress in what their mommies allow. Hello! Is anybody out there?

Children are supposed to be protected and taught to value themselves and their bodies. But as this author asked, what I've also pondered for a long time, what chance does a little girl stand of keeping her childhood or innocense intact when it's her own mother that takes her to the store and pays for the thongs, the itty-bitty skirts, the hipster jeans, the skimpy tops and the plunging necklines?

Yet, in reality when we get right down to it, the real issue comes front-center-clear. It's the fathers who are letting their precious little girls dress like 'ladies of the night'? And whether or not we agree with some conservative legalistic sounding stance on the matter—even one from a Pope...it's fathers, and mothers who will stand ultimately responsible before God for the effect it all is having on the children. What will it take to get our attention? Hello, is anybody out there?

Who's Looking And Who Cares?

With all the thought on whether or not modesty is important it's important to consider what others see in our daily choices. When we do that a familiar scripture comes to mind. It's quite familiar to many of us because we often quote a part of it when something is said about a way a person dresses, or possibly about our own unkempt appearance. We say it quickly in defense, "...the Lord looketh on the heart" (I Samuel 16:7). Yet as we look at the later part of this verse we discover another interesting statement — a special warning that is often overlooked. First, and foremost, God does look at our heart! But the scripture's subordinate truth declares, "Man looketh on the outward appearance...."

"What is meant" John Makujina writes in Measuring the Music, "is that future success is not based on a person's natural endowments — such as physical stature, outward beauty, or talent — but on one's inward desire to serve God.... It has nothing to do with God not being concerned with how a person dresses or what they may signify through their clothing."

It's interesting that Jesus later emphasizes this fact. He said, "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). So, we can be certain of two things: man looks — and God is concerned about the effects of what he sees!

Yet, as Jeff Pollard writes in Christian Modesty and The Undressing of America, "The cry of the Feminists is 'It's my body, and I'll do what I want.' The cry of the modern Evangelical is 'It's my liberty, and I'll do what I want.' Nevertheless, the declaration of Scripture is this: 'What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify your body, and in your spirit, which are God's' (I Corinithians 6:19, 20). You are not your own, if you are a Christian. Your whole being — body and soul — is the purchased property of Jesus Christ; and the price paid for your body was the breaking of His: 'This is my body, which is broken for you' (I Corinthians 11:24; Matthew 26:26). Your body belongs to Him! He redeemed it with His precious blood on the cross of Calvary. How tragic when we fail to consider how He would want us to adorn His blood-bought property."

What Difference Does It Make What I Wear?

Since choices of ones clothing seems to be a controversial subject it may be easy to dismiss all comments that are negative to your "it's my body..." view with, "you're just too old-fashioned"- right? Yet according to experts you may not be correct.

A study done by the American Psychological Association (APA) determined that a constant barage of sexualized images of young girls and women in the media is harmful to their self image and healthy development. This report gave the results of their research on the content, and effects of media; TV, music videos and lyrics, magazines, movies, video games and the Internet. Their defining of sexualization was based on the idea that a person's value came predominately on sexual appeal or behavior.

Among other problems the onslaught of such images were linked to three of the most common mental health problems among girls and women over 18; eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression.

The issue doesn't just stop with girls over 18, however. One popular brand which targets girls ages 7 to 12 years of age, according to a special report in The Washington Post, said that $1.6 million retail sales came from thong underwear alone. And in one popular store, graphic tees sized for "tweens" were adorned with phrases like "Flirt" and "D is for Diva."

Immodest dress is negatively affecting many in ways they don't realize. Acording to the psychologist - once the girls are hooked on such clothing choices, it's a never-ending cycle. They simply graduate to more self-denegrating forms of clothing and self-image.

The study also showed that "If girls purchase (or ask their parents to purchase) products and clothes designed to make them look physically appealing and sexy, and if they style their identities after the sexy celebrities who populate their cultural landscape, they are, in effect, sexualizing themselves. Girls also sexualize themselves when they think of themselves in objectified terms. Psychological researchers have identified self-objectification as a key process whereby girls learn to think of and treat their own bodies as objects of others’ desires (Frederickson & Roberts, 1997; McKinley & Hyde, 1996). In self-objectification, girls internalize an observer’s perspective on their physical selves and learn to treat themselves as objects to be looked at and evaluated for their appearance. Numerous studies have documented the presence of self-objectification in women more than in men. Several studies have also documented this phenomenon in adolescent and preadolescent girls (McConnell, 2001; Slater & Tiggemann, 2002)."

Modesty of course involves our way of dressing, but it also involves our way of thinking — what is in our soul — and that effects what we put on. As Elizabeth Elliott so aptly stated, "The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian makes me a different kind of woman."

As a Christian we are called to a different lifestyle. As someone said, "we are like princesses in training, awaiting the opportunity to rule." It really does matter what we choose to wear!"

Avoiding The Trap of Thinking You Have Something to Lose.

Since the death of Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple, Inc. his story has dominated the media including even nearly every post on Facebook. I wasn't a fan of his but as a result of all the coverage I listened to a commencement speech he gave in 2005 at Stanford University. Portions of it were quite interesting — one quote in particular were words he said he lived by — which we all can gain instruction from as individuals striving to be ambassadors for God’s kingdom.

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

Steve pointed those who listened that day to follow their heart. I would point you to follow Jesus Christ. Without that we cannot trust our heart. But as we follow Christ and continue to yield to the Holy Spirit’s guidance our heart (our soul's longings) will become more pure — and what’s in it — what’s in our very soul will effect what we do, what we say and even our clothing choices.

Because unlike the big choices Jobs most likely was speaking about, for most of us, our “big choices” on a daily basis deal simply with things as difficult as what to wear. But when we consider the possibility that this really could be our last day on earth — how important do you think it is to be dressed in whatever the latest immodest fashion fad may be? Realizing that in the very next moment you could be meeting your Maker … what would you choose to wear?

Jobs was right, “remembering you are going to die is the best way to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.” Instead of worrying about what we will lose by not following the crowd, we can live confidently. Because by walking pleasing to the Lord in all that we do ... we have everything including Heaven to gain!

A Conversation on Dress: An Excerpt from Beautiful Girlhood By Margaret Hale

"Mother, said Jennie Vane one day as the two sat together sewing. Why do you not want me to wear my necklines low?"

"What do you call a low necked dress?" asked her mother.

"You know how the girls mostly wear them low like this," said Jennie, with her finger making on her bosom a line that she called low. Mrs. Vane looked to God for wisdom to rightly answer, and to equip Jennie with enough Christian sense to dress modestly despite the popular trend and fashion.

"I do not require you to make your dresses with close fitting necks, Jennie, but I have reasons which I am only too glad to explain to you why I do not approve such necklines as you've described."

"I want to know just why Mother, for sometimes I feel a little odd that none of my dresses are made that way."

"One of the first evidences of a real lady, is that she should be modest. By modesty we mean that she shall not say, do, nor wear anything that would cause her to appear gaudy, ill-bred, or unchaste. There should be nothing about her to attract unfavorable attention, nothing in her dress or manner that would give a man an excuse for vulgar comment. When we dress contrary to the rule of modesty we give excuse for unwholesome thoughts in the mind of those who look upon us, and every girl who oversteps these bounds makes herself liable to misunderstanding and insult, though she may be innocent of any such intention."

"Shouldn't men learn to guard their thoughts?" asked Jennie.

"There," replied her mother, "is the very question, put in a little different form, that Cain gave to God about his brother: 'Am I my brother's keeper?' Yes, Jennie, to a great extent we are responsible to our brother's thoughts. But I would not have you think that all men are so weak. There are strong, true, pure-minded men and boys to whom these weaknesses of women are not a temptation. But there are the weaker also, and for them we are partly responsible. Let us suppose that upon the streetcorner there stands a group of men and boys among them being two boys whose minds are pure. You and another girl are dressed with very low necks, very thin blouses and your skirts are quite short. The scantiness of your dress attracts attention to your person. You may behave as perfect ladies, but as you pass the corner your appearance causes worldly minded to think and say vulgar things about you. The pure-minded boys hear, and their minds are defiled. You girls are as much to blame for what has happened as the impure man or boy who said the evil things."

"I never thought of it that way, Mother, never!" said Jennie, looking up with a new understanding in her eyes.

"Your necklines should be high and close fitting enough that at no angle does your bosom show, and your skirts should always be long enough so that you can sit without appearing very unlady-like or showing too much flesh. Also, very shear clothing cannot be called appropriate dress for the modest girl."

"But Mother, they wear nice undergarments with those kinds of dresses," said Jennie quickly.

"Yes, Jennie, but does a really modest woman want to publicly display her undergarments?"

The two sewed on in silence for a while, then Jennie spoke again. "Mother, I know many nice women who do not think as you do about dress. Many church members dress the very way you have been condemning. Do you think they're not nice women or not Christians? I cannot think that."

"That is entirely another side of the question, Jennie. I must answer for myself before God, and so must they. But it remains a fact that many nice women dress in a way that is not strictly modest. Many do not think just as the rest do. It is the same with some women who profess to love the Lord. Their minds and hearts are not awake on this line. They follow where the present fads lead them with no thought of the consequences. I cannot say to you that nice women do not dress as I have been condemning for you and I both know nice women who often do. Nor can we say that Christians never wear such things. For we have seen examples where those who profess to be Christians through lack of proper understanding did wear them. So we cannot look around at others for examples. We must have a conscience for God ourselves and answer these questions before Him in our own hearts. As for myself, I cannot wear what I know is not becomingly modest for a Christian to wear."

"But I am not a Christian yet, I have not been converted yet," said Jennie, as if she had now found an excuse.

"But you should be Jennie. That does not change your responsibility before God. If it is not right for a Christian to do it, it is wrong for anyone to do it." Mrs. Vane sat still a little while thinking, then continued. "It is not merely a matter of opinion, but of principle. Do startling clothes cause unfavorable attention and comment? Are they modest? Should modest women wear them? Am I discharging my duty as a Christian either to wear them or permit my daughter to do so? Is my daughter safe with them on, from the insults of base men?"

"Of course, if you put it that way, Mother, is certainly looks as though wearing such things is wrong. But it seems odd to me that we should need to be so different from other people."

"That is all owing to the direction you look Jennie. If you will look in the right direction, you will find many, many women and girls who are not overstepping the boundaries of womanly modesty and they do not look odd either."

"Is it the same reason that you want me always to do my hair simply?" asked Jennie.

"Partly. The manner of dressing the hair will give a girl a modest or a bold exaggerated look. And then many of the extravagant hairstyles are unbecoming to most faces. I cannot see why you should make yourself look outlandish by your hairstyle just because many of your friends are doing it. It is far better to choose a mode of hairstyle that becomes your face and stick to it, than to be changing from one thing to another. Besides, we should wish to take good care of your hair that you may preserve it's beauty."

"But Mother, I like to do as the rest do. I hate to be different from the other girls," persisted Jennie.

"Be frank with me Jennie: Are you so different from others? Are there not many of your school friends who dress just as modestly as you do? Are there not a number of girls yet who are not extravagant in their hairstyles? Be honest with me: Are there not many girls like you?"

"Oh yes, for that matter. But they are not the ones we look at. Some of the girls have a new way of dressing their hair each week."

"But the quiet, sensible girls run a far greater chance of coming to pure, wholesome womanhood. Jennie dear, sometime you'll be thankful that you are one of them."

Do We Have Character Amnesia?

I read recently about a strange thing happening in China. It seems that young people there are beginning to forget how to write the characters that comprise the beautiful calligraphy of their traditional language. Some are calling the phenomenon “character amnesia.” Because of the usage of computers and other handy gimmicks their writing is being neglected and some can no longer remember the characters they learned in childhood.

These days it seems that many of us are suffering from character amnesia only of a different sort. When it comes to some decisions we seem to “forget” the righteous route and play follow the leader and do the world’s ways. But just as the Chinese children are taught their characters by repeatedly writing them over and over we learn true character in the same way - not by writing it of course - but by putting it in practice on a daily basis. When it comes to practicing graceful modesty though we often fall far short of that goal. So much so that often when we rarely do see a young woman in a dress, in most cases it is easy to see she has had little or no practice. She walks or sits as though she is still in her shorts or jeans … and knows nothing of being gracefully modesty.

We need to seriously consider what we are allowing our children to forfeit by the habits we allow them to acquire - and from the practices that we model in front of them. Whether it be in letters - or in our morality - character amnesia is a tragedy which is sure to have negative effects on generations to come.

Let’s purpose to practice, practice, practice to always be gracefully modest in everything we do. Because you can count on it, someone is watching, learning from you and putting it into practice.

Someone said it well, “When wealth is gone, little is lost; when health is gone, something is lost; but when character is gone, all is lost!”